Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
