When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
