I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
