I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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