There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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