just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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