I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
