Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
