she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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