If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
