I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
