You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
