turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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