Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
