We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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