Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
