I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
