I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
