proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.