i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?