You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.