you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?