I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I faked an abortion last night.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters