I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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