I'm gonna have a badass scar
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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