i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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