i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
3pm strippers are depressing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
