Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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