his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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