New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
