I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
