My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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