It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
