My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
