So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
