I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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