glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize