Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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