If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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