i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
