hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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