He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
