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ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
