Your face is a jimmy john
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
