yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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