Kiss
Puke
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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