im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
