Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
