check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
