Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
