Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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