I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
