I just made out with a guy for $7.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is the high leading the old right now
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
