I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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