i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am mentally ready for anal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
