All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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