Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
