dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
