so explain again why im purple
no
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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