she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We are all done wearing pants today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
