Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
