The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
