dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
