Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
