Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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