Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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