so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
