They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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