So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize