I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Found the puke drawer
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
