My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
